It is what it is!

Well, as usual , its been a long time since my last blog. I have done little reflecting, but busy doing the details of life. This Christmas season has afforded me some time to settle myself and "process". I use to despise that term..."process". Sounds like a bad cheese...something less than quality, something to avoid...which leads me to my distaste for the word. Avoidance. I have never been one to avoid, however as I have aged, gracefully or not, I have embraced the behavior of so many I love, and that is to choose not to " think", "analyze", or "process" what I am going through. I think its because I am getting tired, and have chosen to give up the thought that IF I can understand, analyze, or process the circumstances of life, desirable or not, I can then devise a plan to avoid or re-create the particular outcome. In some cases, I have been very successful and have enjoyed great results . I still see the art of reflecting as a bit of a talent. One to be practiced. One I have been emotionally too drained to carry out.
Well ...I am back in the game!! I did nothing through the Holiday Season...and I mean nothing. At one point I thought I may be heading down the road to "disconnecting" from reality. I even had those fleeting moments of.."I don't want to play anymore". Maybe quit my job, or just never go back and see how long it would take for them to notice ( HA..that makes me smile to think about it), or maybe stop seizing the opportunities to reach out to others and try to make what ever difference I can in the difficulties and tragedies of their lives, maybe let my "hairy friends" and family find someone else to coiffure their lovely locks, maybe look away when crisis hits our family, and let someone else figure it all out and look the other way as if none of it really occurred. I had fleeting moments of living the life of a "kept woman" and start taking notes from the tv shows that highlight the women who are "real housewives". LOL! Yea.....NO! That just gave me cold chills. Just think of all the plastic surgery that would require. :-)
Once again, after time to reflect,analyze, yes... process,which clearly I needed (DAH, Kathy ), I have come back to the conclusion that I am who I am . I choose to embrace the life I have reached out and grabbed a hold of...and its messy, and it hurts, it can be very disappointing sometimes, it wears me out, it requires much of me, and sometimes, most of the time, it requires more that I have..thus the part that keeps me coming back for more. The part where it takes Jesus in me to do what is to be done, in any situation he bring me to and then he teaches me to love those in my life in a new and different way. Loving without expectation, in humility, and unconditionally. Seizing each opportunity to make a difference when I can, and walk away when I can't. To help, but never enable. That's one of the things I have learned since my last blog attempt...that sometimes I pick up things never intended for me. Things that are usually so dysfunctional that that should be screaming WARNING ...BACK A WAY FROM THE AREA!
This is letting go of something near and dear to me... pleasing others. "Gasp!" There I said it. My hearts desire is to say "No" when it needs to be said. To not take on things that are not mine to take. Let others keep their treasures for themselves, and direct them to the one that can help. This is harder than it seems, but well worth the effort to learn. Its helps me to see that without some of the extra weight that doesn't belong to me, that isn't divinely directed, I can have the energy to do what is mine to do, and to be who I am meant to be. It might even give me back some of the time to reflect, analyze..and process. After all....it is what it is!