Its been a long year

Okay Michele,( with 1 L) here you are.........
After feeling the winter hawk blow through the tree bare trees, I am reminded of the fact that it has been one year since God turned my world upside down, literally. Let me explain;
It was this time last year that during a brief meeting with a freind that I read the "job description" for the K-2 Director of PV. After reading the paper, I looked up at Bobbie and she asked, "what can't you do on this list that you can't learn?" Followed with the question," have you even prayed about it?" I am pretty sure that it was an off the cuff question, and looking back, I have wondered many times just why I remember that so vividly? I know that it was a pivotal moment for a change that I never saw coming. As they say, God has a plan for all of us. This is definitely not one that I saw coming, it was more like being broadsided by a bus! None the less, I read, I thought, and I prayed. From the first time I prayed about it, there began a stirring in my soul like I had felt just a few times before, but never about something so crazy! I mean, how nuts is the whole idea. I am a hairdresser, 30 years and counting, and still loving it. Some have said that I had the perfect work situation. I was successful, had many clients, I loved what I was doing, had a great schedule, made great money, had wonderful clients that I had grew to love, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
As I prayed about this opportunity. I began to have sleepless nights. There was a wrestling in my soul. God was nudging me. It seemed to me that he was nudging me, ever so gently, none the less it was toward a cliff, with a great big drop off!! A GIANT leap to something that I didn't want. It wasn't me. It just wasn't me! Working at a CHURCH! What a feakin joke! NOT POSSIBLE! Give up all I had worked for . NOT POSSIBLE. Make less money, work more hours, NOT POSSIBLE! I loved serving there, but working there, leave the Salon? Not Possible!
God certainly had another plan. He knew as much as I wanted to keep my life comfortable, that being obedient to Him was more important. He saw thing in me that I did not see in myself. Good and bad. He knew that He could only use me the way that He wanted to use me, for the kingdom, that He had to adjust my comfort level just a bit. Okay, a lot! I feel like a vase that was full. Full of water, full of flowers and full of myself. I was okay, but not the way he wanted me to be, so that he could fulfill the purpose that He had for me, at this time of my life.
So from the time I said yes to Him, He began taking me, like a vase and first he shook the vase, then he pulled the flowers out, one at a time, until there were none. Then it was time to dump the water. A little smelly, like water gets in a vase after a while. One slosh and then another. As the vase, I, emptied, there wasnt much room for what He wanted to put in there. I see it as humility. One must be humble to truly serve the King. When you are emptied of yourself, you must rely on Him for everything. I knew quickly that this was not a task that i could do unless I leaned on Him, and on some days, He has carried me. One foot in front of the other. Then again. No magic. Just perseverance. Just walking with Him. Just learning to trust in Him, and not myself.
My faith has grown. I am a more humble person. I walk in blind faith daily. I am still uncomfortable, but its getting better. I think I am finally over being mad. Ha! That sounds funny, but oh, its true. I have visualized Him like a parent watching a child having a temper tantrum, just watching and smiling (okay remember He is God- he would laugh!). He is giving me all the time I need. He gives me little glimpses of what He has for me now and again, and as I choose to see His provision, I am amazed. He has taught me so much. So quickly. It has been a constant reminder of how much I mean to Him and how much He loves me, how much He believes in me. Enough to trust me with the precious souls that he surrounds me with daily.
Today I had the experience of holding the face of a little boy, whose Daddy had died suddenly. Its been 2 days, and there he was, in K-2, looking for love and kindness. I shuttered as I saw him, and thought, "I can't do this", and than the still small voice came and said " this is why I have brought you here- I AM with you!". It was tough, but it was okay, and the hug & smile he left me with was something I will not forget. And from there I was able to hug a young man that felt like killing himself this week, and he reached out to me, trusting that I could handle what he had to say. He's okay. It was a BAD week and he is working through it. But he wanted to be in K-2 today. And then the huge, tattooed, Biker guy that comes to pick up his son, and he looked at me and told me that " he loved this church and bringing his kids here". I asked him to come and be a part of it. His eyes looked deeply into mine and he said " you mean it? I would love that!"
I know that as the days go by, God will bless me in many ways, and I will have many stories to share. And I will see Jesus work many wonders in the lives of those that come seeking Him. Big people, small people, messed up people, together people, hurting people, happy people. His people.
I will do what he calls me to do as he fill me up, like a vase, with what he sees fit. What he wants for me. I pray that I will always be humble enough to accept what he has for me. Graciously, just as He gives it.
We will see what this next year brings, as he nudges me, carries me and loves me.